If you follow me on Twitter, exactly two weeks ago, I basically had a mini freakout (a good one!) and experienced one of the best days of my life. Why? Because not only did my blog reach 1000 Bloglovin' followers, but I finally conquered one of my fears and one of the biggest life goals of mine.
I passed my driving test!
It sounds like nothing, but to me, it was everything and it's taken me so long to get here. People couldn't understand why I kept failing and in the end, I stopped explaining myself because it was just something within me that I had to face on my own. I had been through a few driving instructors in the past, but after my internship in Sydney finished up late last year, I returned home and found a new one. He was really thorough in his teaching and I knew we were going to get along just swell when during my first lesson, he asked me if I was French. I wish.
When I was in Sydney, the very thought of coming home and having to go through the whole rigmarole of getting my licence drained me, but I knew if I didn't do it now, I never would and if my dream was (and still is) to live in Melbourne without my family and friends, I'd have to learn to be independent from them. It would be hard getting my licence in another city as I'd have no one to practice with and as living in Sydney taught me, grocery shopping on your own without a car really isn't fun! I had to face my fear head on once more and finally grow up. To be honest, I think a part of the reason why I kept failing was because it always felt like something I had to do as opposed to something I wanted. It kind of felt like something I needed to do because it's what everyone does and honestly, you will never achieve anything worthy of bringing you happiness if you do it for anyone but yourself. When I decided that I wanted to move to Melbourne, I realised that this was a stepping stone for me to get there and when I was doing this for me and no one else, well, look what happened. I've since found the joy in driving and feel really happy when I do because it's freeing and I know I'm working towards achieving my goals.
They say life keeps throwing you the same lessons until you heed them and I think the most important lesson I learnt here is to never give up on myself. It wasn't that I couldn't drive, all it came down to was the confidence I was lacking. While my assessor explained all the things I did wrong that had me thinking I had for sure failed my test again (I think a lot of that came down to nerves), I calmly and quieting told myself that it wasn't the end of the world and that if I failed, all I had to do was retake the test again. It would suck, but it was ultimately no big deal. This was a dramatic change from the attitude I had from the last time I took my test and failed. I cried and cried and cried and then didn't do anything about it two years on.
I think we need to stop looking at failure as such a negative. It's a part of life and if we didn't fail, we'd never know how to better ourselves. I always felt so down whenever my instructor pointed out my mistakes while I was driving, but instead of letting it consume me, I chose to learn from it, and you know what they say, the third fourth time's always a charm. If I didn't make these mistakes, how would I learn? How would I know where I can improve? I never liked telling people I didn't have my licence and how many times I had failed because I felt so ashamed, but failure just means you're trying and as long as you believe in yourself, you will eventually succeed. Failure is a part of us, but it most definitely does not define us.
It's taken me a long time to get where I want to be and while I still have to do 25 hours of supervised driving and my hazard perception test in order to get my full licence, the hard part is finally over! We're all on different journeys following different paths and at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter how long it takes you to get there, just as long as you never give up and waste precious time thinking you're not good enough like I once used to. Honestly, it's taken a hell of a lot of strength and growth being positive and changing my attitude towards life. There have been many tears shed quietly at night because everything just seemed too hard and I wondered how the hell I could do it all, but this has been a huge boost to my confidence and I know that whatever I want in my life, all I have to do is work hard and I will eventually get there.
As for my blog, it's taken me a long, long time to get here too and while follower count doesn't really concern me, it's still exciting seeing those four digits. I have a giveaway planned, which is a little delayed as I have to wait for pay day, but definitely look out for it soon! I have to admit, I've somewhat become a little bit jaded towards the beauty blogging community, but I think it mostly comes down to my lack of satisfaction and inspiration within myself. My room is tiny and as my working space, I feel really bored. I am so eager and so ready to move out of home, but until I get my full licence, find an apartment and a housemate, please bear with me. I live in the most isolated city in the world and I think finally getting out of here and having a new space to call my own (and decorate!) is just what I need for a burst of creativity, and to live the life I imagine for myself. I really appreciate every single one of you and I love blogging not only as a place to talk about my love of beauty products, but the other things that make life beautiful such as my dreams, my thoughts and my rising through my struggles.
Through blogging, I've been able to participate in some incredible things such as blogging for Blogbranch and the most exciting of all, being asked to be a permanent contributor to Rebecca and Jen's new project, their online magazine called A Little Opulent, which launches this Sunday. As two of my favourite blogger ladies and sweetest girls out there, I'm so excited to be a part of their journey and that they've given me this opportunity for another wonderful creative outlet. To tell you the truth, I used to feel a little jealous when I'd see people making progress with their lives, but now I understand it was because I wasn't doing much with my own. Instead of being jealous or envious now, I've learnt to simply be happy for the people around me because now I'm making changes in my life too and I can see just how far I've come from where I was once stuck. When I see my friends go after their goals and dreams, nothing makes me happier. Online and offline, I have the most incredible girls in my life and my heart fills up with pride as I see them become strong, independent and beautiful women. They have all shaped who I am, inspire me and make me want to be a better person. The very thought of leaving them makes me so sad, but I know this is something I have to do for myself.
Whatever you're struggling with, I hope that you will gain the confidence and courage to face your fears because as I've said in the past, you are everything that you dream your life to be. When you achieve one simple goal of yours, it will have a snowball effect and you will soon find yourself blossoming in all areas of your life. While I do have a more positive outlook on life, you have to remember to not only change your thoughts, but to change your actions. Ask yourself, what are you doing today to achieve your goals? What do I need to do to get where I want to be? Because I think that good vibes not only come from our way of thinking, but from the things we do too.